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More extensive editing

This sample from the same book series as Sample 1 needed a more extensive edit. The original paragraph mentioned pollen, a newly introduced term, but didn't explain what it was or what relevance it had to the content — in this case, a biography of Gregor Mendel. We recognized the gap and filled it in with science concepts written at an age-appropriate level. Then we brought the reader seamlessly back to the main topic, Mendel.

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BEFORE

The experiments Mendel did were carefully controlled. He had dusted a flower with the pollen from another plant. Then Mendel put bags over the pea flower to make sure no other pollen invaded it. In that way he could be sure that no other pollen floating through the air would affect the result. Only the two plants he wished to combine would produce a new offspring.

AFTER

The experiments Mendel did were carefully controlled. For instance, he would delicately dust flowers with the pollen from another plant. Pollen are tiny grains of seed-producing plants. Pollen released by the flower of a plant may be carried to other plants by insects, birds, or other animals. They may also be carried by wind. Pollen from one plant that lands on another plant may pollinate the plant, meaning that male cells from the pollen join with female cells in the plant. Pollination results in the growth of another plant.

After Mendel pollinated a flower with pollen from another flower, he would place bags over the pollinated flower to make sure that no other pollen would land there. In that way, he could be sure that only the pair of plants he wished to combine would be the sole parents of the offspring.

You can also view a sample of light editing, editing for better editorial flow, and editing bulleted content for a PowerPoint presentation.

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